Learning to let go.

Let's just say... I'm not very good at dealing with soured friendships.

In fact, I'm so bad at it that I try with all my might to stop these things from happening.

Jon, Wan & Jess will know of my constant lamentation on how we hit two extremes in the short span of a few years. And I really don't know how to deal with this.

I recall the times when a phone call was all the reason I needed to take a cab down at 1am to said friend's place to fix some computer problems, then play games through the night at his place (no we're not into each other. SERIOUSLY). I recall how we spent practically most of our time together on pool, mahjong, arcade games, etc. Back then, I would have literally been willing to take a knife in the shoulder for said friend.

Of course, if you would ask for reasons, there could be many. There could be financial issues. There could be changes in habits, changes in courses of our lives, thousands of possible reasons yet not one of them is more important than the very fact that things got really ugly. Some words, read on a sleepless night 3 years down the road, still stab like knives to the heart. I treated said friend like family.

After things got ugly, all the kings' horses and all the kings' men couldn't put it together again.

Not being able to deal with it very well, I held on for dear life hoping for things to return to when they once were. I recall never missing a single birthday or a single christmas. And sometimes, there were those small glimmers of hope that things would be the same again, only to be proven otherwise within a short while.

Even the Messrs was getting upset that I was constantly troubled by said friendship, and told me umpteen times to not spend my time on abyssmal pursuits.

After a couple of years of trying, since last christmas, I consciously told myself to let go. My time would be better spent on people who appreciated better. Among said people were Johnny's parents, his mum who once said "he's lucky to have you all as friends" which is warm and fuzzy and all good.

And in Jon's words, which shook me up last night, was "you simply care too much about someone who doesn't want it".

It was like a rude wake-up call.

One that I sorely needed.

I may not be able to deal with it well, but everything has to start somewhere.

^_^

Carpé Diem.