Taking Stock

So it's one of those times I sit down and take stock of my progress.

Things aren't as rosy in the high rollers' arena in the business world. Lots of cards are played differently. Yes, huge opportunities, huge profits, but I learnt recently that they come with a price tag. Fast response, *perfect* paperwork, etc.

I'm still not up to the game.

But I want to be, so it's time to buck up on how I've been doing things all this while.

After such a long wait... my new place is so near I could smell it. While many have spoken words of envy that I got a property at a young age, I have always been a tad disappointed. I always planned to get a place by 25. Unfortunately, the real world isn't as efficient as that. I actually paid the down payment for the new place at 24, and it took 3 years for it to be completed. Which... to me is still behind time.

I realised that if a phrase could describe me, it would be "not enough".

Don't get me wrong, I love my life, my wife, my friends, but career-wise, it's never been enough.

The hunger for something better also happens to be my motivation to move forward.

~

I always profess that people should look for direction in life in their unadulterated teenage or childhood years, which to be fair, that's what I should be looking at right now.

Looking back, I wonder if this was who I am back when I was 17. I was, in fact, always dreaming big dreams as I am now. I was, always, satisfied with life but unsatisfied with achievements, as I am now. Possibly, that could mean that however much I achieve, I am simply incapable of being comfortable with where I sit. There's always something better that I could achieve.

I was, as I was back then, an avid gamer; albeit more controlled nowadays, and not having to always get pirated versions of games anymore. I mean, I am a pusher of the free market economy, if I don't pay the damn game developers, it won't encourage growth in the industry and thus more awesome games in the future.

I am, as I was, in love with toys; but I no longer feel the desire to own them, but just to view from afar. I used to scrimp and save just to buy that 100+ huge-ass Gundam model kit. Nowadays, I visit toy shops more often than before, but I haven't bought a model kit in 8 years; I'm always there to view the outstanding works of others. Time, is a luxury that hardly anyone knows how to spend wisely. I would if I could afford the time to build more models.

I am, as I was, earning my keep from the world of IT. I still get fascinated by the latest gadgets, difference is that I can afford them now when I couldn't back then. And... it's satisfying my geek hunger pangs. Not to mention I've a wife who's supportive of my geeking out; I mean how lucky am I?? I must have done something right in my previous life to deserve her =)

I am, as I was, mentally unstable. Yes, you heard right. I don't like psychs so I've never went for proper treatment. Fortunately, wifey understands, and helps in many ways. I've been as stable as I had ever been since I've met her.

As I was, I hold the same beliefs with regards to spirituality. I just found the proper names for the things that I used to think and feel, as there had been others long before my time who had similar beliefs. *cough cough* no credit for the annoying idiot who threw my proof of God out of the window, and made me go into meditation for a month. Grrr. Don't friend you liao. I can't beat your argument, so I'm gonna go "lallalalaaa" everytime you try to talk about this. =)

And... I guess with all that, I've collected the scattered pieces of my life into an organised box and I'm ready to fight again!