Set off for M'sia at 4pm, after a night of overnight MJ.
Arrived at Mersing in evening, and we brought a rather sick Clarisse to a local doctor.
Sunday 10 Feb
Insisted on staying close to Clarisse so I could take care of her. (couldn't bear to let her suffer alone)
Monday 11 Feb
Set off for Desaru and arrived in a few hours.
Started to feel not so well after walking on Desaru beach in the late afternoon sun.
Tuesday 12 Feb
Departed Desaru and reached home at 8pm after a few other stops.
Was drowsy all day, also due to not drinking enough water that day.
Came down with fever just before going to bed.
Wednesday 13 Feb
Fever subsided. Felt much better. Went for full day of classes.
However, cough and flu persisted. Used up 5 packets of tissue paper over 4 hours of classes.
Rested early.
Thursday 14 Feb
The longest day of my life so far.
Woke up feeling a lot better, but noticed some blood in phlegm.
Decided not to tell Clarisse in order not to let her worry; besides, 'twas prob my old boxing wound in my nose. Just a small abrasion, prob torn up by coughing too much.
Went to school for classes.
Used up 5 packets of tissue paper in the first 2 hours tutorial. Felt weird. bought a warm cup of chamomile tea. Went for the next class.
Ran out of chamomile tea half an hour into the lecture. With the blasting aircon, head started swooning. Struggled to get myself out of the LT with many staring, and me staggering along the way.
Hailed a cab and rushed home.
Felt better as cab reached home, so decided not to see a doctor first, but just sleep it off.
Did not work that well.
Sleep was constantly interrupted with coughing and sneezing and swooning, in random combinations. No longer had the strength to even walk downstairs to the clinic nearby.
At one point, sneezed and coughed really hard, blew my nose, saw lots of red, went giddy, and passed out on the bed.
Woke up to realize that I really bled and wasn't dreaming, felt weak and giddy, and passed out again.
Eventually, woke up to an almost tearing Clarisse. Summed up all the strength left in my body to walk to the clinic (which would have been impossible without Clarisse's physical support, literally).
Diagnosed with a grandslam combo of Fever, Severe throat infection, Severe bacterial flu (with cough). Downed the meds upon reaching home and collapsed into deep sleep, wondering if I was going to make it thru.
Our special day (anniv) went down the drain like that. But thankful to even be able to see her one more time.
Friday Feb 15
Recovery day.
A wonderful day of discovery.
First awakening. Felt so much better, but still very weak. Clarisse set off to work after making sure I took some oats, then the meds, and back to sleep. Dreamt an experience so real and exhilirating that I woke up in sweat and adrenaline pumping and smiling to myself.
Still morning, so more oats, more meds, more water, and more zzz. This time, just prior to dozing off, formulated an innovative new product (which I'm sorry to say cannot be revealed until I actually successfully patent it), including many technical details and practical applications. Dozed off somewhere in the middle of thought.
Woke up at noon. Ate the subway that Clarisse bought the day before. (she knew I would be too sick to buy lunch myself) More meds, and more sleep. This time, I thought seriously, about what if I didn't make it. I would want to leave a letter to my children, and it would have to be read to them on the 21st of the youngest:
------------------------
To My Fateful Children,
Unfortunately, I am unable to speak to you in person right now. I very much wish that I could, to see how wonderful you have become. Fate is sometimes larger than you, and can sweep you off your feet. Nevertheless, on the many occassions when you can be larger than fate, take control of it and be proud of having done so. That is the way I chose to live my life, and that is the way I hope you will choose to live yours.
Learn to love others as much as yourselves. The three most important things in life are: Love, Respect and Trust. Among these, Love is somewhat more important than the others. For without love, the other two lose their meaning entirely. Nevertheless, without Respect and Trust, you will find that you won't have anyone left around you to love. Learn to uphold these values, and in time, defend them. I would have gladly given my life for any of these, and I would be proud if you would too. Shower others with your blessings, and you will be surprised to find that it always comes back in one form or another.
Last but not least, I hope you would love your mother in my stead. Once I promised to love her for eternity. However, now that I am not around, I worry that she might forget; you will know this is happening when she is lonely or cries at the mention of me. It is your job to help me remind her that I am always near. I am always within your hearts.
Learn to love others as much as yourselves. The three most important things in life are: Love, Respect and Trust. Among these, Love is somewhat more important than the others. For without love, the other two lose their meaning entirely. Nevertheless, without Respect and Trust, you will find that you won't have anyone left around you to love. Learn to uphold these values, and in time, defend them. I would have gladly given my life for any of these, and I would be proud if you would too. Shower others with your blessings, and you will be surprised to find that it always comes back in one form or another.
Last but not least, I hope you would love your mother in my stead. Once I promised to love her for eternity. However, now that I am not around, I worry that she might forget; you will know this is happening when she is lonely or cries at the mention of me. It is your job to help me remind her that I am always near. I am always within your hearts.
Love,
Your Father.
--------------------
Upon having thought all that out, something felt very good inside. There was this warm fuzzy feeling (kidneys? pancreas?), even though I know I have no children, and am not expecting any yet.
Taking a snapshot of my life, I realized that I have been working towards my final dream, taking things a step at a time. At the end of this semester, I will also have completed my degree (a stepping stone), and while doing it completed every single module that I want to do in uni, including my fave ones like philo of time, philo of mind, moral philo, greek philo, philo of science, indian philo, philo and film, theism and god, confucianism daoism and chinese philo, etc.etc. pretty much satisfied with my studies in all of them, except for the disappointing D in metaphysics which also happened to be my favourite subject, as well as there being no course in buddhism.
After purchasing the MacBook Pro, I have acquired every single material object that I have ever desired in my life, including those I missed out in childhood. Since then, I've been able to focus my desires on the fulfilment of my dreams, and it is probably gonna be a thrilling ride ahead of me.
Then I dozed off again.
The next time I woke up, Clarisse was back with dinner, beaming and me returning the smile. Despite having wanted to meet Bryani before he leaves this Friday, I slept through my handphone alarm and woke up at 7.30 (the meeting was at 7). And groggy me had to forgo the outing.
I am thankful and infinitely happy to be alive.
Not to mention excited about what lies ahead for me.
^_____^
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